And Then... It Hit Me

Quick post.

Went to Serendah House last Monday. There, i found a piano. Played it (because i was forced to).

Went on a tour with the architect around the house. Went downstairs, still listening to his magnificent ideas.

Still touring. But then get bored, ignoring the tour and the input. Went upstairs, and these fingers of mine started dancing on the keys on the piano.

And today, it got me thinking "why did i skipped the input from the famous architect himself and run to the piano instead?"

And today, i got my answer. And no doubt about it.

But sadly, i cant do anything about it. Bummer.

Out Of The Blue

Why?

Why why why?

Never in my 3 and a half years of studying architecture, a friend (or two) told me "laila, dont stay up for too long. Make sure you go back at least before 1 am. Go back to your room early. Go to bed. Sleep!" But yes, today, that words swinging happily inside my head. And for your info, these friend of mine are as the same department as me.

It bothers me so much because i cant understand and cant conclude to that sudden statement. I mean, why telling such thing? Are you not aware of this architecture life?

Im not mad, really. Not even a single spark of madness occure in me. But seriously, that reaaaaally bothers me.

But well, one thing i know for sure is that, it's not that i really chose this path -- to be wide awake and not had the chance to sleep early like every normal people does -- but as long as im having fun (or at least there's is a bit of fun here and there) then im okay with that.

PS: thank you friend. I know you care for me :)
PS: happy birthday to my dorky friend, Safwan.



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Spread The Love

Dua hari lepas, aku send heart shaped emoticon kat most of my followers kat twitter. Kira macam aku 'spreading the love' la.

Lepas tu, esok tu, ada orang tanya, "bukan ke, kalau orang yang kasi love macam tu sebenarnya dia yang kurang love tu? Kiranya, dia tak ada kasih sayang, so dia pun bagi love tu kat orang lain? (Maybe dia nak cakap 'dengan harapan, dia akan receive seberapa banyak love dari orang lain' kot).

Jadi, aku jawab "tak lah. Bagi aku, kalau kau buat camtu, kau macam membahagiakan orang lain. Cuba kau bayangkan, maybe time tu ada yang tengah sedih and needed a love. Bila kau bagi that love to that someone, it eventually can make thier day. Kan?"

At first aku sendiri tak tahu apa aku cakap. Aku tak tahu apa yang aku cakap tu betul ke tidak. Aku cakap camtu pun sebab orang lain yang cakap kat aku camtu. I serioualy had no idea pasal give-receive love, yadda yadda yadda.

Sejam lepas tu, baru aku betul betul sedar, if you give part of your love to someone else, you will definitely got back the same amount as you give (or maybe double).

Sebab malam soalan tu ditujukan kat aku, malam tu jugak aku dapat jawapan yang aku cari cari. In fact, bertimbun timbun jawapan aku dapat. Sampai dah tak mampu nak senyum sebab dah lebar sangat aku senyum malam tu :)

Masa aku kasi 'spread the love' tweet tu, macam macam jawapan aku dapat. Ada yang balas balik with <3, ada yang tanya 'are you okay? Menyigau ke?', ada jugak gelakkan aku 'hahaha spread the loveee~'. Lantak hang lah. I do what i think is right. And i've done it. And it felt so good.

So people, just randomly gave a heart-shaped emoticon, or an unexpected goodmorning/goodnight text to someone. Just do it sometimes because you'll never know you might save someone's life. Doesnt matter if you got back none or just a few. It shows that you are actually care for someone :)

PS: oh, they gave a really out-of-this-world birthday prank. A really unexpected one. Although my birthday had passed a month ago, it's the thought that counts, right? :)



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Why Me?

I never see lucky come and visit me. It always hiding from me, observing me from afar and never give me hope.

No matter how innocent i am, in the end, they always pointing fingers at me. And it's always me to feel guilty. And it's always me who has to fix everything. And in the end, im putting myself in a really bad mood.

And that leads to me, talking all trashy and stuff, and everything will go back to phase one, where people will point fingers at me.

I thought im immune to this kind of thing. Looks like it never fades away.


Im tired of faking smiles. Im tired of laughing. Im tired of taking pain killer pills. I just wanted to end the day quickly so i can be myself and not faking anything. Everything is just so painful.

False hope. Feeling guilty. Faking smiles. Faking love. People keeps pointing out my flaws. Feeling miserable. People pushing me away. Cant scream although im screaming at the top of my lungs. No one understands what im going through.

I envy of people who has this strong bonding between their friends and loved ones. And me, being a professional observer and hoping that one day i have that kind of happiness.

Why is it always me?

PS: another day, another fake smile. Brace yourself, dude. Brace yourself.



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